Halloween

Halloween has never been a big deal to me. maybe because my mother thought it was the devil's holiday when my sisters and i were little so she made us go to the church "fall fun festival", and robbed us of our childhood. or it might be because when i turned 14 and my mom finally let me go trick or treat with my friends, i still never took halloween as a light hearted fun holiday. see when i was 14 i was slightly morbidly obese. now you may be thinking "ohhh there is no way you were that big, come on." but i'm serious i would not fuck with you on this matter. anyways back to the point, for me halloween was more like a sporting event, pro-haps comparable to that of the Olympics but for fat kids and mexicans. every year i carried a pillow case with the full intention of bringing it home completely filled with bite sized goodies. in order to make the fastest time and hit the best houses i needed to dress accordingly: basketball shorts, some form of a jersey, tennis shoes, andy my rubber basketball head. i want to say that i dressed as sports players because i liked them, or i were some form of a #1 fan, but that would be a lie. the truth was that i needed to have maximum manoverablility, a steady air flow through, and shoes with rubber souls, for traction. i was the kid who grabbed a handful of candy and ran, and on occasion i have been known to change costumes and hit up the houses that gave out king-sized candy bars twice, maybe three times.
now this brings me to my real point. As i was darting from house to house, trying to catch my breath, i always noticed that the other girls weren't dressed up like their favorite sports hero's, they were dressed more like their favorite stripper hero's. now don't get me wrong. i have my own favorite stripper hero's. i just never got the memo that said Halloween was a free pass to dress sluty and let it all hang out. i guess my mom thought it wouldn't have been an appropriate costume for the Fall Fun Fest, she's so old fashioned like that....i don't understand why she doesn't get that its 2009! its hip to push your boobs together attempting to produce as much cleavage showage as humanly possible (based on an individual basis. i.e.; i could push all day but i still ain't gonna be no Pam anderson....), suck in as far as you can so that you can button your mini "skirt" (if that little of material can be qualified as such), and let your ass cheeks play "peek-a-BOO"(in the spirit of the occasion). i mean why stop at halloween... what about thanksgiving? sluty turkey? naughty pilgrim? and Christmas...the most important one, Jesus's B day? how would you feel if we dressed sluty for the devils holiday but forgot to take it off for your birthday? huh?here are some ideas for Christmas: maybe a seductive virgin mary? skanky santa?ooh, ohh what about the elf that gets around?(you know who you are...) or the classic birthday-suit baby Jesus. Don't you think that there are more important occasions then Hallow's eve? i mean its just really disrespectful to all the other holidays if we don't treat them all as equals. im just really into equality for holidays. i feel like it's just been the real elephant in the room for quiet some time and we can not ignor it any longer.... i guess you could call me a reformer. just doin' my part to make this a better place for everyone at every occasion.

bestfriend1

So last weekend I went to the Texas v Oklahoma game. My friend and I were so excited that we decided we wanted to get all decked out with Texas gear. We got the shirts, wore the hats, and we definatly looked the look. When we got to the game and saw that some fans had temporary tattoos we decided we had to have them too. When I stopped to ask someone where they got theirs they replied "the co-op" meaning the university of Texas co-op. As we walked away my friend looked over at me with a seemingly confused look on her face and asked me if she meant the "Barneys co-op"...... So many sarcastic comments came to my head at once and I couldn't even get one of them out. I finally stuttered out the question "are you retarded?" she replied " that's the only co-op I have ever known! I am sheltered!! How am I supposed to know that..."

Miley goes AA

my home group in Dallas is a bookstudy. we study the book, we sponsor by the book, we live by the book, we eat by the book, we sleep by the book, we shit while reading the book...am i getting my point across? so when i attend meetings other than the ones i have commitments to (shhhh don't tell my sponsor) i have really started to notice some of the idiocracy that floats around AA in the form of catchy little sayings. for example "fake it till you make it". like what the fuck? thats the worst idea possible for an alcoholic. their whole life is already fake, and they are dying.....come on people... really?...reaheeeallly? all my friends who have tried faking it defiantly did not make it. when i would try and fake holding my shit together while i was drinking it never just magically started working out...haha this brings me to my point of all of this. i went to the Miley Cyrus concert last night and it changed my life. she is one of the wisest 16 year old billionaire pop princesses i have ever known. As i was sitting there watching her work her shit, trying to control my hips as the music captivated my body, i realized that if we are all looking for catchy pick me ups, we might as well quote someone who makes some sense.

so i think we should go ahead and ditch the whole "fake it till you make it" mentality we should go ahead and let everyone know that "inside i try to make the pieces fit right, just like a jigsaw everywhere. cuz i flip the script so many times i forget, who's on stage who's in the mirror. the best of both worlds."-Hannah Montana. i guess i should have let y'all know that she doubles as a rockstar and a normal girl on her show. so there are two artists who are essentially the same girl. hannah and miley. genius i know.

next on my list of retarded sayings is "think through the drink" see this one is especcially brilliant because experience shows that thinking about ourselves and spending lots of time in our heads is just a grand idea for struggling alcoholics. instead i think that we should just go ahead and sing these lyrics to a bottle of Jose Cuervo "i got my sight set on you, and i'm ready to aim. i knew you were something special when you spoke my name. now i cant wait to see you again. i've got a way of knowin' when something is right (yeah-thats how you ended up here..you must really know when something fits!), i feel like i must have known you in another life. cuz i felt this deep connection when you looked in my eyes, now i cant wait to see you again"- Miley Cyrus

"meeting makers make it". meeting makers make what? what exactly is "it"? could it be that meeting makers make IT,... right back to the drink they were trying to think through? who knows. all i know is when/if these "meeting makers" make it back from their latest relapse you will hear them at a discussion meeting saying, "i have to wonder if this waves too big to ride. commit or not commit is such a crazy tide. its sooner than i thought but you called me out. i lost control and there's no doubt I'm gunna start all over" or maybe "take the world shake it and stir it thats what i got goin' on. i throw my cares up in the air and i don't think that they are comin'' down. yeah i love how it feels right now. you never know where you'll find me, I'm going to take my time yeahhh, i'm still getting it right, this is the life!"

"just don't drink" what a novel idea. i had never even thought of that one until i heard someone say it in a meeting. how do people come up with such genius ideas? it blows me away. so all i have to do to stay sober is not drink? incredible. instead of telling people that the way to stay sober is to not drink we should just tell them that "life's what you make it. so lets make it rock. life's hard or it's a party. the choice is up to you!" and when "AA" doesn't work for them perhaps they will remind themselves that "nobody's perfect, i gotta work it! Again and again till i get it right. nobody's perfect you live and you learn it. i know in time ill find a way. "-Hannah Montana

ill end with this: i might or might not of heard that Miley Cyrus was at the mall by my house, and might or might not have gone up there and looked for her..for the second time in about a year...i was so fucking close this time too. she left nordstom 10 min before i got there. 10 fucking minutes. i dont want to talk about it.

BIGBOOBEDBLONDE

Lets see. I don't really know what to write on bloggs...to be completely honest I think they are really antisocial and a little bit creepy, but apparently so am I. So i am a 17 year old alcoholic and I live in dallas. I have blonde hair and huge boobs. Most guys, and girls for that matter are really attracted to me but I have to keep my head in the game..the sobriety game. My best friend is an 18 year old, fairly averaged looking, A cupped, alcoholic named mary. I'm going to go ahead and put this out there: If your are not an alcoholic or don't know one one personally, this isn't the blogg for you, HOWEVER if not qualifying as either of the previously mentioned makes you feel sad, alone, and insecure, so much so that you...I dunno...drink?! stick around, you MIGHT have a small drinking problem.

Anyways Mary and I spend most of our time together...we lead fairly exciting lives....if you consider 8:30 bed times, AA meetings, and caffeine highs "exciting". We do have a lot of fun, its just a little bit low key compared to the way we used to "live", if thats what you want to call it. My friend Mary has ADHD, which some people consider to be minor disability and most who have it wish they didn't; first of all minor is the understatement of the year and she actually seems to thoroughly enjoy the mind clutter and chaos. The only downfall is that the girl can talk....and talk..and talk.......and when there is nothing left to talk about, she will talk about that. I think its a mixture of the pure joy and sick pleasure she gets from the sound of her own voice, and her belief in the common lie I think we all tell ourselves, that somebody genuinely wants to hear ALL of the pointless shit we have to say. Not the case, in-fact most people would much rather be listened to than have to do the listening, ironically as alcoholics the last thing we need is the opportunity to talk about ourselves because we will take it, and we will run with it. This being said I will tell you a completely fictional story about my friend mary. Have you ever known someone who just has to have the last word?,regardless the situation, they honestly believe that rejection could quite possibly be the worst thing to ever happen to them? Yeah thats her, but she is totally cool and non-chalant about it. :/ On a complete side note, in AA each alcoholic has a sponsor, and that sponsors job is to guide their sponsee through the steps and hold their hand as they "trudge the road to happy destiny" sounds warm and fuzzy right? WRONG. the 10th of the 12 steps suggests that you call your sponsor anytime you feel resentful, and they tell you why you suck. So in short you could say step 10 is the virtual bitch slap of AA. SOOOO when mary got the suggestion to start her own blogg so that she had an outlet for all of the things she feels she needs to talk about, she became resentful and decided to give the ole spons a call. Well her sponsor told her that she does talk to much and that she needs to shut up and listen. Awesome. The End.

p.s the big boobed blonde is my best friend Hannah, I'm Mary...and this is my blog....Fuck.