Halloween

Halloween has never been a big deal to me. maybe because my mother thought it was the devil's holiday when my sisters and i were little so she made us go to the church "fall fun festival", and robbed us of our childhood. or it might be because when i turned 14 and my mom finally let me go trick or treat with my friends, i still never took halloween as a light hearted fun holiday. see when i was 14 i was slightly morbidly obese. now you may be thinking "ohhh there is no way you were that big, come on." but i'm serious i would not fuck with you on this matter. anyways back to the point, for me halloween was more like a sporting event, pro-haps comparable to that of the Olympics but for fat kids and mexicans. every year i carried a pillow case with the full intention of bringing it home completely filled with bite sized goodies. in order to make the fastest time and hit the best houses i needed to dress accordingly: basketball shorts, some form of a jersey, tennis shoes, andy my rubber basketball head. i want to say that i dressed as sports players because i liked them, or i were some form of a #1 fan, but that would be a lie. the truth was that i needed to have maximum manoverablility, a steady air flow through, and shoes with rubber souls, for traction. i was the kid who grabbed a handful of candy and ran, and on occasion i have been known to change costumes and hit up the houses that gave out king-sized candy bars twice, maybe three times.
now this brings me to my real point. As i was darting from house to house, trying to catch my breath, i always noticed that the other girls weren't dressed up like their favorite sports hero's, they were dressed more like their favorite stripper hero's. now don't get me wrong. i have my own favorite stripper hero's. i just never got the memo that said Halloween was a free pass to dress sluty and let it all hang out. i guess my mom thought it wouldn't have been an appropriate costume for the Fall Fun Fest, she's so old fashioned like that....i don't understand why she doesn't get that its 2009! its hip to push your boobs together attempting to produce as much cleavage showage as humanly possible (based on an individual basis. i.e.; i could push all day but i still ain't gonna be no Pam anderson....), suck in as far as you can so that you can button your mini "skirt" (if that little of material can be qualified as such), and let your ass cheeks play "peek-a-BOO"(in the spirit of the occasion). i mean why stop at halloween... what about thanksgiving? sluty turkey? naughty pilgrim? and Christmas...the most important one, Jesus's B day? how would you feel if we dressed sluty for the devils holiday but forgot to take it off for your birthday? huh?here are some ideas for Christmas: maybe a seductive virgin mary? skanky santa?ooh, ohh what about the elf that gets around?(you know who you are...) or the classic birthday-suit baby Jesus. Don't you think that there are more important occasions then Hallow's eve? i mean its just really disrespectful to all the other holidays if we don't treat them all as equals. im just really into equality for holidays. i feel like it's just been the real elephant in the room for quiet some time and we can not ignor it any longer.... i guess you could call me a reformer. just doin' my part to make this a better place for everyone at every occasion.